Worst Gifts for the 2008 Holidays

Run, don’t walk, to take these back to the mall 

Over the past few weeks, we’ve brought you our thoughts on this year’s best holiday gift ideas. Now that that’s out of the way, we thought we’d turn our attention to the worst gifts for 2008. If you happen to spot something on our list that you’ve purchased for a loved one, now’s the time to drag out that receipt and see if you can get your money back!

Off Brand Electronics
You see them on the shelves now and then — products that slightly resemble your favorite electronics, with names like “ePod” and the “Pretendo Vii.” While these products are cheaper than the ones they’re modeled after, keep in mind that the real ones rarely burst into flames or cause your ears to start bleeding. Most consumers are too savvy to grab a rip-off product, but beware, grandparents love to save a few bucks and “Vii” looks an awful lot like “Wii” when you don’t have your bifocals on.

iGarbage
If you own an iPod, you probably have some accessories that you really need: a case, speakers, and so on. Then there are the accessories that no one needs and yet somehow exist anyhow. There’s the iPod musical toilet paper holder, the iPod razor attachment, the iPod breathalyzer attachment and even a few attachments that are slightly more, ahem, adult in nature. Basically if it’s stupid and it can be attached to an iPod – chances are someone out there is hoping you’ll buy it.

Novelty Holiday Items
Hey, do you want a little Santa Claus that dances to the Macarena or plays a 35-second loop of “Who Let the Dogs Out?” No? Well neither will the poor chump you’re planning on giving that to. In fact if you give someone such a thing, you can pretty much expect to get it back next year, probably unopened and possibly smashed into a thousand tiny pieces.

Something Practical
While everyone appreciates and needs practical items, not too many want to see them under the tree on Christmas morning. Even if it’s the nicest vacuum cleaner on the market — a dual bag, for instance — or that toaster that all the celebrities own, practical items you would have bought anyhow don’t usually make the greatest gifts.

Limited Edition Darth Vader Bronze Statue
Is there a Star Wars fan in your life? Well forget the figures and ditch the DVDs, because what they really need is a 4-foot-tall bronze statue of everyone’s favorite dark lord. Weighing in at a mere 150 pounds, Lord Vader is the perfect addition to any sci fi fan’s Fortress of Solitude (i.e., Mom’s basement). And the best part is, it’ll only set you back $18,000! Oh come on, what else were you going to use that money for? A new car, or a few mortgage payments?

Honorable Mention
The good news is that someone finally made a two-person toilet. The great news is that it costs $1400 and is only available in orders of 12 or more. The really great news is that the deluxe version includes a 7-inch LCD television and iPod docking station. Sign me up!

— Noah Belson, Content Quality Analyst/Regifter

Photo courtesy of Flickr user Lola Geek.